I’m thinking I might make these thoughts into a video one day but I wanted to put them here instead for now, as an open letter so anyone could read it.
When I was at the playstation event a gentlemen walked up to me and introduced himself. It was Randy Pitchford. At first my brain simply would…
One of the things i noticed was that homosexuals was treated like any other human being. Jack was torturing homosexuals just like he was torturing heterosexuals, and hammerlock was just a fabulous fellow.
People don’t give borderlands 2 enough credits for their very well written inclusive writing. Which is difficult to pull off without coming across as PC.
I was watching some of your older videos and I found it very strange that white nationalists claim you are jewish. What would make them think that? You are actually the most aryan looking person I have seen. I mean you're 6'7, ash blond hair, clean blue eyes, highforehead, long skull, long face, sharp nose, large chin. You actually fit the aryan ideal extremely well. White nationalists should be praising you or at least be green with envy!
Yeah. I’m nearly the pinnacle of the white race according to them and I still don’t agree with them.
4192) I have mixed feelings about all this trans education that has recently surfaced. I mean, it's nice that more cis people will stop asking completely stupid/misinformed questions, but part of me fears it for some reason, them knowing in great detail all the surgeries I'll get and hormones I'll take. I can't explain this feeling of apprehension, but it really sucks.
In your videos when you discuss feminism you only pick out the very wrong and unpopular points that few feminists actually agree with. You contort these lies and over exaggerate a few arguments to seem ridiculous and to make your argument correct. It's appalling to see someone spread so much hatred and disguise it as intelligent thought.
I feel that I’ve accurately represented the majority of self-identified feminists I have encountered. I have also, however, encountered bright and tolerant people who call themselves feminists. I would love to say that they are the majority, but I don’t believe that is the case.
4149) My boyfriend wasn't completely gay. He's dated girls in the past and even a trans woman once. So he said he'd stay with me when I transitioned. We'd already been together for over a year... but several months into my transition he dumps me out of the blue because "I make an ugly girl". Ouch. :/ Not even sure what to say to that.
When shall you return to Youtube, my dear sweet Paulie?
You may not like the answer, but it’s possibly “never.” I really need to examine what I contribute with my you-tubery. I get messages of thanks from people every day, but I don’t know how much of that is real and how much is trolling.
Isn’t it sad that that’s where we are as a culture? I doubt the sincerity of EVERYTHING I read online, especially when it’s directed at me.
I sometimes feel like making a youtube video, but then I remember that I’ve said pretty much everything I want to with regards to religious, political and social issues. It’s all out there, and the “story” videos seem really self serving and I’m sure people are tired of them.
3895) I recently discovered that the two guys who bullied and assaulted me in high school for being trans ended up becoming highly successful, and also have wives and kids. I hate to hold onto old grudges because it was so long ago, but it made me really depressed to see them doing so well because they were so awful to me...meanwhile I've always tried to be a good person yet I'm constantly treated like shit, I was disowned by my family, I have depression, and I'm broke after surgery. Life is unfair.
Try to keep a good spirit, even though everything is dark right now. Maybe the people who bullied you aren’t really happy, or maybe they will have what’s coming to them. I mean.. Think about it. Most marriages these days end in divorce, and you keep hearing horror stories about how men are forced to pay and pay and pay after a divorce.
3463) Sometimes the fact the world is such a dangerous place for trans women (and hell, women in general) makes me so paranoid that I don't want to leave my house.
It’s unfair and dangerous to people as a whole. If it’s not the planet trying to kill us, it’s other people.. Tell me, could you tell someone growing up in a poor neighborhood that he has it better than you, just because you’re a woman, and he’s a man? I just think other factors play into “Who has it worse in the world” than gender. Gender is such a small part of what makes person.
3467) The trans women I've met are catty and shallow. Generally not pleasant to be around. I don't think they're all like that. In fact, I KNOW there are sweet/cool ones out there. But I find it very disheartening I've never met one. I'd just like to be able to get close to someone like me who could maybe relate to the struggles of being a trans woman and who happens to be a cool person outside of that.
Completely agree. I would add envious and self-important to the list of typical transsexuals.
3459) It really upsets me when I search the MtF tag and I am inundated with FtM and trans porn material, We have so few spaces that are safe for us, why do people have to invade something that was set aside for us?
You can’t really own a tag on tumblr though.. But maybe that would be a great feature. Some blogs would file for a certain tag, and tumblr would review it and only allow those blogs (And future blogs that those blogs approve of) to use that tag.
It would probably end up getting messy though! And i don’t know how the tumblr staff or yahoo could muster up the resources for it! I mean, moderating content is hard enough as it is!
3428) When I told my old therapist I was trans, one of her first questions is if I like dresses/skirts. I said yes because I was worried saying no would make her doubt me, but in retrospect I regret not being honest. The only times I'd probably wear a dress/skirt is fancy/formal occasions. Otherwise I prefer jeans and a cute top. If that's enough to make me less of a woman, then society's definition of a woman is pretty screwed up anyway.
3418) My strongest source of dysphoria isn't ciswomen. It's not my reflection in the mirror. It's transwomen who pass without a doubt and who radiate with happiness after transition.
Believe me, the ones you might consider “obviously passable”, thinks the same about others as well. But if someone might seem so obvious, in her way of passing in public, it’s because she decided other transsexuals wouldn’t discourage her, and that she would be confident with herself. She puts a lot of effort into her looks, and tries, tries, tries!
I know it’s easy to get jealous. But the worst thing you can do is to have that envy get to you. You need to be strong, and believe in yourself. That’s the first step! Then you should look up as many tricks as possible, to hide the wounds your genes and male hormones left on your body.
I’m here to tell you the opposite. Don’t pick a side. Keep an open mind. Listen to everyone’s perspective. Be fair-minded and rational. Don’t get suckered into an Us vs. Them mentality.
If i were to pick a side, it would be the polar opposite of PZMyers’! But i completely concur with this.. It’s just a part of indoctrination, to say “You’re either with us, or against us”. So no surprise that PZMyers would say this!
3400) Finally at peace enough with myself enough to sort through some of my most painful memories of childhood dysporia…like how I used to shove my penis and testicles back up into my pelvic cavity in the hope they’d stay there and I would grow a vagina.
3396) I hate gender expectations. I was policed for being too feminine for a boy, but now I'm told I'm too masculine for a girl. Can't I just be a girl who likes computers and robots and be respected for it?
I find it funny that you’ll find a lot of feminists telling you this. But people in general don’t seem to understand how fucking sexist it really is. As if there’s a “right way to be a woman”… Let me guess. I have to stay in the kitchen and bake cakes; wear high heels and dresses; clean the house and do the chores; satisfy my man and be a good wife; squee at mice and get giddy about cute shoes.. Am i getting warm? Is this female enough?
I mean, i don’t get these comments too much personally, because i guess i do fall within some preconceived notion of “What is feminine”. But i still think it’s bullshit, and it needs to stop! Too many transsexual friends i have get these comments!
3374) I had a cis gay male friend who is no longer my friend. I think I'll rant about him here... for one, he seemed to feel entitled to use the word tranny, since "gays and trannies are practically the same". Nuh uh. One involves liking the same sex and the other involves a life changing transition. He also claimed to "totally understand" my pain because he cross dresses once in a blue moon. I tried to correct him many times, but after a while, I gave up. He wasn't worth my time and energy.
I get how he must be quite the ignoramus by claiming that he understands, because he crossdresses. But i’d let a friend call me a tranny. Maybe this guy was never much of a friend to you to begin with? I suspect that the case.
I recently worked on a high-profile rebranding project creating a new logo for YouTube gaming group The Runaway Guys. Previously, I had worked on a logo for one of the group’s members—Emile (Chuggaaconroy)—but never outlined the process. After his logo was finished there were many people interested in knowing exactly what goes into creating a logo, so when I started on the TRG logo, I began writing this as I went. It should give you a good look into the work involved.
3306) I feel awful by how priviledged I am compared other trans* folk. My parents are very accepting, driving me to all my appointments, trying their hardest to call me by my prefered name, etc. All my friends are amazingly supportive too. I feel so awful.
Wow. That is quite possibly the most condecending thing i’ve read. Thank you for being such a fucking douche bag. Yeah, you should feel awful, but not for the reasons you think.
3298) I've been on hormones for 2 years and I still don't seem to pass. It's not like I started THAT late... but when I see people who seem to be pass flawlessly within less than a year of hormones (or better yet, without any at all), I get so bitterly jealous. Why me? Why am I not changing enough? I'm doing what I can do pass as a woman along with the hormones, but it doesn't seem to be enough.
The fact that you’re feeling that way seems to indicate that you’re unsure of yourself. That uncertainty can be smelled by anyone from a mile away.
So let me tell you these things. First of, every transsexual has periods where he or she has issues passing, no matter how attractive or gender conforming that person may seem. Second! You need only try your best, and be confident! Sure, the occasional bastard will call you by an undesirable pronoun. But fuck him or her! Don’t let it discourage you!
3206) I'm post-op and pretty much appear to look like any other woman... and I have a friend who I occasionally hook up with. He was so worried that he might have gotten me pregnant, and didn't understand why I kept saying I know he hadn't. I eventually gave in and said that I was infertile. While it wasn't entirely a lie... sometimes I wonder if that was the right thing to say.
Some people just can’t grasp it! So the next best thing is to tell a kinda-lie, in order to just move past it.
3167) I can't help but get annoyed when people who are not trans tell me how to feel about slurs. Especially when they say they're "only words" and it's "no big deal". The words of tranny, shemale, trap, etc. do NOT affect them on a personal level, and they DO affect me, so I think I have a tiny bit more so on whether they're hurtful or inappropriate.
Unless it’s directed towards you, and depending on the context, shouldn’t feel offended. This is coming from a trans woman. Grow some ovaries!
3136) I can't help but feel slightly irritated when a cis person learns I'm trans and the first thing they want to talk is talk about trans related issues or ask me questions about it. Yeah, I'm MTF, but how about not focusing on that side of me? I mean, I'd prefer not to talk about it with absolutely everyone. How about talking about our n shared interests, or about the weather, or literally anything besides my transsexualism? Seriously?
They’re just trying to understand you. It may be frustrating, but isn’t it better to show curiosity and a willingness for discussion than it is to just judge something based on insufficient information? I think you need to see things for their perspective. Especially when they’re trying to see things from yours. I often times wish people would ask me more about who and what I am, because that shows me that they are trying to understand me. And that’s flattering from my perspective.
Some days, i just want to tell them to fuck off. But then again, random people can annoy me by just talking to me.. From time to time!
Most of the time, i’m more than willing to share. Transsexuals aren’t exactly the most common types of people out there. Even people of a more liberal state of mind seem pretty ignorant of it, for the most part (In my experience).
I think it’s important, if we hope to get any understanding, more rights, or help from society (Like in Sweden, where i live), that we’re open and willing to show our best sides to the world. Even though sometimes, we just want to yell at them, in our frustration!
2nd trip to the doctors, shoe-misadventures, dysphoria and telling off a prick alleged transsexual
I’ve been trying to write a post as of late, but i’ve been feeling very apathetic as of late. So it’s been difficult to write anything. First things first. I’m glad to say that i finally went back for another meeting with the doctors, about my trans issues. This was about two weeks ago now, so i feel a bit guilty not having written it down. I tried to, earlier, but i just wasn’t happy with what i wrote. Too disjointed and “obligatory postie”.
Shoe-misadventures & Dysphoria
I had fun, and i was glad. It was a very relaxed meeting with a curator type person, who just wanted to know more about my situation and my life. So nothing big this time! But anyway! That was then, and now is now. My day started pretty good. Had a pretty bad night of constant fatigue (Which is part of anxiety disorder) — I love how just writing about it makes me fatigued. Truly, it’s all in my mind. If only i could just tell my brain to stop being that way! It’s nothing i can’t handle though!
Before going on, i have to point out that my shoes are literally falling apart. So i decided last night that i would have to head to the shoe store, the following day. Which is today. After i had done some chores at home, i finally went out, hopped on my bike, and drove down to town to get some new shoes. Since it’s Sunday today, hardly any stores were opened (I live in a small town). So i went into one of the only stores that were opened at that time (Around 3pm). Big mistake. I mean.. I have huge difficulties shopping for clothes, being semi-out as a transsexual, presenting male. But to be told they only sold women’s shoes, as if there was nothing there for me to get, was just too much for me. And i feel so horrible on so many levels about feeling this way. None of those levels of feeling-badness involves them as people though. They don’t know, obviously.
But it does make me feel horrible taking it so badly, even though i know why i feel horrible about it. Still, it makes me feel childish, stupid, sick, like crying, depressed and most of all, frustrated! The frustration is the worst thing right now. I can handle the depression somewhat, but the frustration it brings me is unbearable. I feel that it’s only because i am in the way of myself too. Boundaries that i’ve set up for myself, all to not have to confront my parents and have my fragile state of mind shattered.. Today, i feel that i should stop doing that, and start being myself. But it’s not for the best, it’s just a feeling.
Telling off an alleged transsexual
I read an anonymous alleged transsexual write about his/her issues yesterday, and he/she wrote about how in some ways, he/she was happy to not have been born a girl, cause the patriarchy and all that. And i want to say to that person that even if i was born in a country where a female was expected to be raped by the time they get to the age of 13, i would still pick being born a girl. It never even crossed my mind, to be happy about the convinces or the certain privileges of presenting/being male (Not that i subscribe to the school of thought that says that males are more privileged. I’m just saying that even if that were the case).
3115) I have mixed feelings about the fact that I didn't experience childhood as a girl. Yeah, I'm really sad about it. Sometimes I cry about it. Other times I look at the way the patriarchy tells little girls they're inferior. And that even though I hated myself growing up because of my body, I never really experienced that, and that makes me feel a bit lucky.
Whoever wrote this is a moron, and probably not transgender. For one, the patriarchy doesn’t exist, and second, even if it did, so? I don’t care if i lived in an actual patriarchal society where women are expected to be raped by 13, i would much rather have been born a girl